


Double Trouble side stories

by quadrad



Series: Double Trouble [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: And he has a better beard, Gen, Gimli wants to go, Hobbits can out drink anyone, If you see a character name he/she/they will eventually show up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:44:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1897755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quadrad/pseuds/quadrad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are one shot side stories that don't quite fit in the main story</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gimli's Story

It just wasn’t fair Gimli thought to himself. Fili and Kili got to go on the quest but he didn’t. His Da said he was too young. He was 65 and still had to wait five years before he could enter into agreements on his own. He still thought he should be allowed to go. He was the best fighter in his class. He had a better beard than Fili and Kili combined. And yet his Da still said he could not go. Well there was no other choice really. He would just have to make his Da see reason.

Gimli spent the next couple of weeks discretely gathering everything he would need to make the trip. On the day the company was to leave he was ready. He took his pack and waited for his Da by the pony his Da was to use. When Gloin came out of their home Gimli stood up and tried to look as if his Da had been running late. 

“Let’s go Da. Everyone will be waiting on us.” Gimli said.

Gloin looked at his son. “On us lad. I think not. For you are not going.”

“But Da. I told you I can be helpful. I am the most advanced student in Dwalin’s weapons training class. I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox and will be of great help on watches. And 13 is an unlucky number so I will keep the company from having bad luck.”

“We already have a fourteenth member of the company. We will be meeting him on the way. You are not yet of age and cannot go without my permission and I am not giving it so go back inside and tell your mother of what you have tried to do. She will determine your punishment.”

“Please Da. Let me come. Fili and Kili are going and together they don’t even have a good a beard as mine. It’s not fair that they get to go and I don’t.”

“Fili and Kili are of age no matter what their beards are like. Not that Kili really has one. Now go inside the house like I said.”

Gimli hung his head down and started to walk towards the house mumbling “It’s still not fair.”

Gloin reached out and grabbed Gimli. “If you were of age I would be proud to have you along. But for now just make sure to take care of your mother.”

“I will Da.”

Gimli watched his father head to Thorin’s forge where the company was meeting. “I will take care of her Da. I will take care of her by making sure her husband comes home.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the company came out of the forge they were greeted to the sight of Gimli waiting with the ponies. One of the pack ponies had been no longer had any supplies and now had Gimli’s pack on it.

“If you had taken any longer I was going to go in there and get you. We will not make it to Erebor until this time two years from now if you are going to take this long to get started every day.” Gimli said.

Balin turned to Gloin. “I thought you said he was not coming.”

“He isn’t.” Gloin growled. “Gimli, I told you to stay home and take care of your mother.”

“I am taking care of her Da.” Gimli replied. “I am making sure that her husband comes home to her.”

The other members of the company were trying not to laugh at the sight of Gimli looking so serious while telling his father that he was there to protect him.

“If Fili and Kili get to go I should get to go. I have a better beard than both of them put together and neither one of them is as good at staying on task as I am.”

“Oi!!!” Kili yelled. “You just wait until my beard starts to really come in and then I will put you to shame.”

Fili elbowed his brother to shut him up before he and Gimli got farther along in their usual beard argument.

Meanwhile Gloin was visibly getting himself under control. “Gimli I have told you many times now you are not going. You are not of age and you will be staying here if I have to have you locked up in the jail!”

Gimli just looked at his father pleading with his eyes to be able to go.

Gloin pointed down the street towards their home. “Home. Now”

Gimli sighed and started walking home. he looked back many times to see his father watching him. When he turned the corner and was no longer in view he took off running to make sure he reached the city gate before the company did. He was going and he was not going to let his father stop him.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Gimli turned the corner Nori turned to look at the rest of the company. “How much do you want to bet that he will be waiting for us at the gate?”

“No bet.” Dwalin replied. “I guarantee he is running as fast as he can to the gate right as we speak.”

Gloin looked at them. “No he will go home as he was told. He may be stubborn but he know when to accept that he will not get to do what he wants.”

“Two gold says he will be at the gate.” Nori said.

“I will take your money.” Gloin replied. “Does anyone else want to lose their money as well?”

“I’m in.” Fili said.

“And me.” Kili said.

The other members of the company all started to agree as well when Gloin held up his hand. “Do any of you not wish to make the wager?”

No one in the company spoke.

“Very well then I will wager two gold apiece against two gold from each of you that Gimli will not be waiting at the gate. Now let’s get going. The lad was right about one thing. We cannot take this long to get going every day.”

The company mounted their ponies and started off towards the gate.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gimli stood by the gate waiting for the company. He could see them coming closer and he saw his Da talking with Balin. As they drew nearer he could hear Nori start laughing.

“Gloin. I think there is someone waiting for you.” Nori said

Gloin looked up and Gimli saw his Da’s face go red.

“GIMLI!!! What in the name of Mahal are you doing here?” Gloin shouted.

“Um, waiting on all of you?” Gimli replied somewhat sheepishly.

The rest of the company broke out in laughter. Gimli could hear some of them saying “I told you so”

Gloin looked around and saw one of the guards at the gate. “Rornur, take my son to the jail and lock him in one of the cells. Then have a message sent to my wife telling her where he is. And make sure to tell her that he is to stay there for at least a week and she is to decide after that when he is to be let out.”

Gimli looked at his da in shock. Never did he think that his Da would not see that he should go with the rest of them on the quest. When the guard took his arm Gimli just let himself be taken to the jail still looking at his Da in disbelief.

Gloin looked at the company. “Right now let get going. I do not want to be anywhere close to here when Risa finds out about this. With my luck she will chase us down to yell at me.”

As the rest of the company broke up into laughter. Nori cleared his throat.

“Uh, Gloin aren’t you forgetting something?” Nori asked.

“I will settle up when we make camp for the night. Right now I want to put as much distance as I can between myself and Risa.”

Gloin nudged his pony into motion and the rest of the company followed after him still laughing.


	2. Drinking with Hobbits or Gloin’s big mistake.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The company has a drinking contest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People in middle earth are always amazed at how much hobbits eat. They never wonder about how much hobbits drink.
> 
> I make no claim on the characters in the story

*************************************************************************************  
Some dwarves will brag about anything. Gloin for instance would always brag about his wife and son. Though to be fair any proud husband or father would do the same. But Gloin would also brag about how dwarves were better at almost anything. He would brag about how they were better smiths (which most dwarves are), how they can out eat anybody (he stopped doing that after finding out how many meals hobbits eat), how they are better warriors, and even how they are better at trading. It was his bragging about how they could out drink anyone that proved the undoing for the company.

Bilbo was sitting at the table with the rest of the company at the prancing pony as they enjoyed their last night of civilization for some time when Gloin made his mistake. It was not his fault entirely as Kili had mentioned that they should have some sort of contest to celebrate the quest truly beginning.

“And just what kind of contest do you think we could do lad” Gloin asked. “We can’t have one of skill with a weapon as it would take too long. An eating contest would be foolhardy with Bilbo here, as the only one that could challenge him would be Bombur. And no one here can match a dwarf when it comes to drinking.”

“Is that so? Bilbo asked. “Not one person here could match a dwarf at drinking?”

“That is correct. Dwarves can out drink anybody anywhere.”

“Well I am afraid you are wrong about that.”

“What, you think you could outdrink us?”

“I can drink you lot under the table with ease.”

At hearing this all of the company perked up. “Well now lads, I think we have just been challenged.” Bofur said. “Shall we uphold our reputation?”

“Oh we shall indeed.” Kili said.

Gandalf just shook his head at hearing what was being said, and reached out to stop a passing barmaid. “Tell the bartender a drinking contest is in the making.”

“And which table is doing it?” The barmaid by the name of Penny asked.

“The table with the dwarves and the hobbit.” Gandalf replied.

“The whole table?” 

“It certainly sounds like it will be.”

“I will let him know.”

A minute later Bill the barman showed up at the table. “So I understand a drinking contest is in the offering.”

“That it is.” Fili said.

“Is this to be who can drink the fastest or who can outlast the others?”

“Our hobbit here says that he can drink us all under the table and we mean to prove him wrong.” Kili said.

“I see. Well then we need to discuss a few things first before I can let this contest commence. How many will be participating?”

All of the dwarves but Bifur indicated they would be contestants. Bifur signaled that he would be the judge of who fell out last.

“What size drinks and how often should they be brought over?”

“Full pints.” Bilbo said. “And every 10 minutes.”

“What?” Gloin all but shouted. “10 minutes between rounds? That is ridiculous.”

“I am conceding the size of the drink as we hobbits usually do half pints. And the rule will be that you have 10 minutes to finish your drink or be eliminated from the contest.”

Gloin seemed ready to argue but was stopped by Balin. “A fair trade Master Baggins.” He said.

“Very well gents. It will be 2 gold to cover all of the rounds.” Bill said.

“Two Gold!” Gloin exclaimed. “That is robbery.”

“Dwarves are well known for their ability to drink. There are twelve of you and on top of that you have a hobbit that will be competing as well. I will not go any lower as I have no idea how much all of you will end up drinking.”

Nori’s eyes narrowed upon hearing the barman’s comment about Bilbo. He listened to the surrounding murmurs of the other patrons commenting about how a hobbit might finally be beaten at a drinking contest.

Gloin thought for a moment. “Agreed, bring the first round out please. We will start as soon as everyone has their drink.”

While they waited on their drinks Bilbo made a suggestion. “Shall we make it a bit more interesting? Say everyone put up 3 silver winner take all?”

‘You seem very confident Master Baggins.” Gloin said.

“These things always seem more fun when there is a small wager.’ Bilbo replied.

The dwarves looked at each other. They all nodded and started digging out coins. 

“Who holds the money?” Nori asked. 

“Bifur will.” Bilbo replied. “He is the judge after all.”

The first round was brought out to the table and when everyone had their drink Bifur signaled that they should begin.

Most of the dwarves immediately started chugging their drinks as quickly as possible. Thorin and Balin were the only exceptions. They, along with Bilbo, took their time in finishing their drinks but all three of them were done well before the ten minutes were up.

By the time the ten minutes were up the second round had been delivered and Bifur signaled that everyone should begin drinking again.

Once again most of the dwarves started to quickly down their drinks but this time Nori joined Thorin, Balin, and Bilbo in drinking slower. Nori had been listening to the wagers that were starting up and was beginning to think he could earn more money y bowing out and making wagers than he could by winning the competition. By the time he had finished his drink he had made his decision.

“I’m out lads.” Nori said. “I remember the last time I tried ta outdrink Bofur and I don’t want ta have the same headache in the morning.”

Dwalin and Dori both snorted upon hearing that. They both had the same thought. Nori was going to fleece the crowd making wagers. What they did not know was who he would be betting on.

The rest of the company with the exception of Balin and Oin just laughed at Nori as they prepared for the next round.

Nori went over to the bar to satisfy his curiosity at what the barman had said. 

“Pardon me but why did you specifically mention that there was a hobbit taking part in the contest?” Nori asked.

Bill looked at Nori with a surprised expression. “The only time I have seen a hobbit lose a drinking contest is when there are two or more hobbits taking part. They seem to have hollow bodies when it comes to drinking.”

Nori slowly nodded at this as his plan crystallized in his head. He left the bar and went in search of people who seemed to be rooting for the dwarves. When he found them he made a show of rooting for Bilbo. He would mentioned how he always tried to support the underdog. When the other person would talk about wagering on the contest, he made sure to only do so after great reluctance. 

After another couple of rounds Balin and Oin were thinking that Nori’s point about avoiding a hangover was sounding better and better. After the fifth round Oin stood up.

“That’s it for me.” Oin said. “I am not going to be riding on the back of a pony with a hangover.”

Balin thought for a moment. “I think I will bow out as well. I will let the rest of you uphold the dwarven honor.”

 

Two rounds later Dori realized he was at the point that he had to make a decision. Dori could keep drinking but if he did he ran the risk of not being able to control himself. 

“I am bowing out.” Dori said. “I do not wish to get so drunk that I run the risk of injuring someone.”

The rest of the company nodded somberly to Dori. Bilbo looked around in confusion.

“Why would Dori getting drunk cause him to hurt someone?” Bilbo asked. “Is he a mean drunk?”

“Quite the opposite.” Balin answered. “And therein lies the problem.”

“I am afraid I do not understand.” Bilbo replied.

“Dori is the strongest one among us.” Balin replied. “He is so strong that he has to be careful when dealing with others. When he becomes drunk he loses that control. And when someone needs help he has been known to injure them by accident. And the more he drinks the more he wants to help others.”

“I see.” Said Bilbo. “Well then if no one else objects then I say that we let Dori take back his wager. His reason for withdrawing is one of concern for others. He could very well have won but has chosen not to compete for safety reasons. “

The company looked at one another and all of them nodded. Bifur took three coins and handed them to Dori.

“I cannot take this.” Dori said. “I entered the wager the same as all of you.” 

“You are not being allowed to compete. Bilbo said. “The others chose to concede you stopped not because you are conceding but because you do not wish to cause harm.”

Dori looked at the table. “Very well if you are all in agreement then I will abide by your choice. I thank you for doing this.”

Thorin noticed that Bilbo was not slurring his words in the slightest while some of the other members of the company were already doing so. The hobbit was showing no signs of being even the slightest bit drunk while everyone else was definitely feeling the effects of the drink. At that moment Thorin knew that Bilbo would win the competition and that trying to beat him would only result in a troll sized hangover.

“I am also withdrawing.” Thorin said. “This will be our last night where we can sleep in a bed and I am going to take full advantage of it.” 

“One time we left you on the floor and you never forget it.” Dwalin said.

“And I am not going to run the risk of you thinking it would be funny to do so again.” Thorin replied.

Three rounds later Ori fell onto his back trying to finish his drink. When he did not get back up Bifur proclaimed that Ori was out of the competition. Ori did not object to this mainly because Ori had passed out and was dead to the world. Dori walked over and picked up his brother.

“I will go put him to bed.” Dori said. “And tomorrow I will have so much fun watching how he deals with the hangover.”

“That is the third or fourth time someone has mentioned hangovers. Do you have problems in the morning after you drink?” Bilbo asked.

“You’ve never had a hangover?” Bofur asked.

“No.” Bilbo replied. “I always feel fine the next morning after drinking.”

The remaining dwarves looked at each other.

“Well then.” Bofur said. “You must be the luckiest fellow in middle earth.”

“Well the one time I did pass out from drinking I probably would have had a hangover in the morning if I had not slept the entire next day.” Bilbo replied.

At that point Bifur signaled that it was time to start the next round and the seven remaining competitors went back to drinking.

Two rounds later Fili slumped over on the table. Kili nudged him trying to rouse his brother in an effort to keep his brother from losing. When Fili did not respond Bifur ruled Fili out of the competition.

Before the next round could start Kili started tilting sideways and was saved from falling over by Thorin catching him before he could do so. Thorin looked down at his nephew and saw that he too had passed out.

Four rounds later Dwalin knew that he was beat. He looked at Bilbo with amazement. He had never seen someone affected so little after drinking so much. 

“That’s it for me.” Dwalin said. “I know when I’m beat.”

Dwalin got up from the table and headed for the rooms. “I am going to bed while I can still make it there by m’self.”

Two rounds later Bombur had his head on the table and was snoring away. Both Gloin and Bofur were swaying in their seats trying to keep from passing out. 

Bilbo looked at both of them. “Ready to concede?” He asked

Both of them shook their heads. “Nope.” Bofur said. “We aim to see this through.”

The next round arrived. Gloin slowly drank from his pint knowing he was beat but refusing to give up. He finished his drink and glared at Bilbo. “How is it you have not passed out?” Gloin asked.

Bilbo shook his head. “Did you not wonder why I had a full keg of ale in my home when I live there all alone? Hobbits drink every day, and our ale is much stronger than this.”

Gloin shook his head and lost his balance. He fell out of his chair and did not get up. Bifur looked down at Gloin and indicated that Gloin was out.

Bilbo looked over at Bofur to find that Bofur had his head on the table and was snoring away like his brother.

Bilbo collected his winnings and saw Nori doing the same. “You bet on me?” He asked.

“The barman said he had never seen a hobbit lose a drinking contest.” Nori replied. “I figured that if he had never seen it happen it was not going to happen tonight. Are hobbit drinking contests like this?”

“Oh no, they are much different” Bilbo replied. “In the shire you have a two minute time limit between rounds or there would never be a winner. And if they go on for too long we stop giving them ale and break out the home brew.”

 

Nori looked at Bilbo. “You set us up didn’t you?”

Bilbo looked back at Nori. “I merely played to my strengths.”

Nori laughed. “I do believe I am going to like you Master Baggins.”

“Please call me Bilbo.”

“Bilbo it is. I cannot wait until tomorrow when I can let everyone know how they were all taken by a hobbit.”

The two of them shared a laugh as they headed to their rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head cannon hobbits eat as much as they do because they have very high metabolisms. Think just below post serum Captain America in the MCU. I figure their metabolism will allow them to drink far more than their body mass would normally allow. Now if thy can metabolize the alcohol so quickly that means that if you space out the time between drinks they never really get drunk. Hence my 10 minutes between rounds.


End file.
